I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
