You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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