Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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