Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
