Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
