I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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