I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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