Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
