oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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