i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i drank out of a bidet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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