YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
