I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
