So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
