I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
