Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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