Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
