My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
