when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
