never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
