why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize