Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
