I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
