it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
