The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
