So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
