dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
