Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
