He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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