Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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