You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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