At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
