Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
