just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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