My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
