Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
