It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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