I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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