just survived the first fart of the relationship.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
