dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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