I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
