She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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