No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
