You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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