Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
