Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
