I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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