my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize