So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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