i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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