we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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