Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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