I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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