Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
