All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize