I can text with my tongue
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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