The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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