So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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