letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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