Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
