I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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