She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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