just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
