guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
