im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
