New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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