Tell her she can't have a vagina
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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