Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
