That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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