if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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