I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
