I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
