I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
