So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Randomize
