He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
People in love make me want to vomit
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
