He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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