I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
