You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just fell off a train. Bad.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize