$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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