Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
