evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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