So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
