YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
