mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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