I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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