you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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