I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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